With the New Year I have spent time reflecting on 2012 and thinking about what 2013 will hold. I usually don't make resolutions because I feel like I will set myself up for failure. This year I decided to pick a word that will represent this year. My word is CHANGE. That's kind of a loaded word I know. It can also come with a lot of expectations that can lead to failure. But I have prayed over this word and feel that this is where I am being led.
You see I have really been struggling the past few months. In the past I have struggled with depression and it has slowly started to rear its ugly head back into my life. Despite my best efforts to fight being overwhelmed and run my home smoothly I have been knocked down. There have been many nights that I have gone to bed crying because I feel like a failure in my calling as a mom and wife. I stay behind on my to do list and can't seem to catch up. I'm tired, emotionally, physically, and mentally tired. I feel alone.
Though I know I'm not alone. I have a Heavenly Father who will never leave me or forsake me. When I turn to Him, He starts to pull me out of my pit, but for some reason I look around at my own strengths and weaknesses and get thrown right back in. I'm so tired of this cycle. I do not want to live in this pit any longer. So change is a must for me! I can't remain where I am any longer, I MUST step back and make changes! I cannot go on being like this I need to do this for my husband, for my kids, and for myself.
I'm scaling back on some of my commitments so that I can focus on my family and changing who I am. I had so many plans for this blog but again the Lord has shown me where my commitments are. I will still continue to be in and out, in hopes that one day I can write on a regular basis.
So would you like to know that steps I am taking towards change?
First I took some time away from social media and going here and there and helping with this and that so I could clear my head. Then I took a look at the big picture. What type of mother, wife, and friend do I want to be? How do I want to run my home? How can I be healthier? With the end result in mind I set goals in different areas for each month.
For example: I would like to eventually be getting up at 5am to have my quiet time, get ready for the day, and cook breakfast. Well that's way earlier than what I get up now. So for each month I set a wake up time and slowly set it back earlier and earlier so that by the end of the year I will have reached my goal. With each goal I also set up a monthly reward so I will be encouraged to do each one.
This is why I call 2013 the year of change. I will be baby stepping my way through the year to make changes that will make me healthier and be the mom and wife I want to be. I know there will be bumps along the way. I'm not striving for perfection, I'm striving for different. I want a close intimate relationship with my God, my husband, and my children.
So check in from time to time as I post about my progress and different tools that I am using to help along the way! I pray for you and your family as you begin a new year. I would love to hear what your plans are for this year!